Unholy Crap: Bad Rats

I spent 44 cents and an hour of time i’ll never get back. Where to begin: The visuals of this game a subpar compared to any other puzzle games. Creepy textures, shoddy resolutions, it lacks widescreen resolutions, and well animations seem shoddy and poorly executed. But the ultimate terror starts at the start screen already, no anti-aliasing whatsoever the menu points are mad in the most illegible tagging crap i’ve ever seen, and on the first start it took me minutes(!) to figure out the Play Button just didn’t do anything. The game’s background music isn’t helping much to save anything, for the gameplay is completely random.

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At least the physics are, on the first level i just tried the same setting a few times until i was succsessful, while the ball, i had to tip a bomb of the ledge to kill the target, act not even close similar. So it seems the physics in Bad Rats are changing every few seconds which makes this piece of rat dung a seriously frustrating and utterly bad experience. That’s where the music comes in: It does nothing to diffuse me, or my rage over the badness of everything in there. It decides to annoy me even more. And now for the worst part: It involves the murder of the animal the Internet loves the most: Cats! CAT MURDER. To have that kind of guts the devs had to have a lot of confidence, or are not afraid to be chased angry mobs through the streets of whereever.

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If the game was just a little more bearable i most likely wouldn’t have ragequitted this easily and i surely would have given it time to sink in. But this… No way. I’d rather be buried alive, have my nostrils raped, and a lot of other fates that would have been Sir Robin if he wouldn’t have run away than to spend another second on this game.

Where’s PETA when you need them?

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Oh Nostalgia: Thief – The Dark Project

So, Thief. It happened in 1998, among other things, i was playing thief a lot. And through a poll, i took some time to install and play it again. It’s 15 years old, so i won’t lose a word on the graphics. What i will lose a word on, is the rest of the game. It’s a stealth game from a time, when there wheren’t any stealth games. Except maybe Metal Gear, but i am not sure on the date here, and i am to lazy to look it up right now. Well, it is not much you sneak around, kill bad guys. Not too many of them though. That would be bad.

In 1998 this game was nothing less than a revolution. Nobody ever tried to make a sneaky shooter like that. Well however the game did not live of that. It lived of it’s lively world it’s well made chracters, atmospheric places and it’s engaging and immersive storyline. Back then i though: “Wow, best game i ever played!”. Nowadays, nowadays it’s a different story. The genre has been around for a while now and while the story is still outstanding. The carefully and artfully handdrawn video sequences still have their own charm. But the gameplay is a bit outdated. It’s been surpassed by other stealthgames, where you have to play other sneaky killers. Well none comes to mind where your objective is stealing things, but it’s late, and i don’t have a videogaming almanach in my head. Like with all gaming nostalgia, there is a certain glow about it. It is hyped way over its overall qualities, with nowadays standards it’s not pretty anymore. The gameplay is average at most. All that remains and that makes it forever classic is, that it was one of the first of it’s kind, and brilliant at it’s time, and good enough to stand the test of time.

Thief – The Dark Project is a one of it’s kind experience for the story. It’s still quite playable, even though you may encounter some problems while running it on modern machines. But this fixed all the issues i had at once, also it adds new textures and widescreen support which helps making the graphics bearable. If you never played Thief, but want to immerse yourself in a good story, grab it. If you played it, and feel nostalgic, get it. If you care more for the Battlefields and Call of Duty’s in this world, what are you doing here anyways?

 

Dafuq did I just play: Secret of the Magic Crystals Part 2

Secret of the Magic Crystals. An underground, Indie Game, Cult Classic. Since i pointed out enough about its technical flaws and shortcomings in the first part. Let me talk a bit about what the game is in the gaming culture. For an adult or even a teenage gamer this game is bad, no it’s godawful. But still, it is an incredible success and frequently used to troll people. Why is this? Well for one the huge success of “My Little Pony” coincided with the release of the game. Second it’s complete uselessness in points of story, diversity in gameplay and all its flaws, it is a pretty solid product. It has barely any flaws techwise it causes no problems for me. For the targeted peergroup of 3-12 year old girls it “could mean the world” as one of the devs told me.

For Adults it is a bad game, but also incredibly addictive, you can’t stop even though you are having the worst time of your gaming life. The game takes you, sucks you in chews you, and spits you out again. This leads me to one conclusion.

Either gamers all over the world are masochists, or the pitiful state that the game means to adult gamers creates some sort of Stockholm Syndrome.

No matter how, the game is not good enoguh to be considered a competition for any Triple A titles at all, on the other hand it’s not bad enough to justify me to go into a crazy rant.

To put it all in a nutshell. I am to old to really appreciate the game. But it gave me a laugh, something to rant about to my girlfriend.

I don’t have any particular feelings about it, neither good nor bad. And that, in my eyes, is the worst thing a game can do.

A final word to developers:

You did good for kids. You create an awesome troll. If people give you hate for that, that’s because they would hate anything. And if you want to spread the game more, this would work great on facebook 🙂